|
July 08
June 2008:
Introduction - What's going on
in the Restroom? - Q & A
|
 |
On behalf of the board of directors for
Catholic Marriage Prep, Inc., I’d like to introduce you to the first
installment of Monthly Marriage Chat with Christian and Christine. As
the title implies, this will be a monthly e-newsletter with the purpose
of encouraging married couples as they walk together in Christian
Marriage.
This e-newsletter is in response to
requests from couples who’ve completed the program and want to continue
the dialogue that was started in the marriage prep process. My wife and
I certainly identify with this desire—the direction we received through
Catholic Marriage Prep and Christian and Christine’s talks and
reflections help us today. |
Our format for the Monthly Marriage Chat will
include guests reflecting on marriage. This will include priests, lay people,
other members of the board, and whoever else we may meet along the way. There
will be a monthly Q&A column where Christian and Christine will attempt to
answer your questions that arise from current classes or questions that you send
in.
I hope you find this helpful
and encouraging to your marriage.
Peace to you,
Rob Faughnan
|
 |
What is going on in the restroom?
Who
would have believed it would be legal for men to enter women's locker
rooms?'
With
May 29th’s signature on SB200,
Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter, has eliminated gender-specific restrooms
and locker rooms statewide, giving women and girls reason to fear that
their privacy might be invaded. |
The state's new "transgender
nondiscrimination" bill makes it illegal to deny a person access to public
accommodations, including restrooms and locker rooms, based on gender identity
or the "perception" of gender identity. Those who would attempt to protect
others from this intrusion are subject to a fine of up to $5,000 and up to one
year behind bars.
“How does this concern my
marriage?” you might wonder. Genesis 1:27 states that “God created man in his
image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them.”
Our identity as males or females is what physically and spiritually defines us
and is the cornerstone of the Sacrament of Marriage. Through our gender
identity we become husbands or wives and fathers or mothers. Because we were
made in God’s image, our identity is his identity. There is perhaps no greater
evidence for God’s will in our life than that communicated through our gender
identity.
Will a Colorado State law
that determines who uses bathrooms directly affect the way you relate to your
spouse? Maybe not. But it’s critical to understand and recognize our culture’s
efforts to codify concepts that weaken our core understanding of ourselves and
marriage. To blur the distinction between man and woman ultimately erodes the
Christian concept of marriage and ultimately, of knowing who we are through
Christ.
Questions and Answers
Christine,
I was
wondering if you could give me some advice.
Alex and
I have been together for almost 4 years now and occasionally we seem to have the
same argument. Usually it starts with me trying to explain something to him
that I disagree with or something that is bothering me. Then he shuts down and I
get upset because I can't "reach" him anymore and then I am left frustrated and
misunderstood. Thirty minutes later he comes to me and apologizes. He further
explains that he knows what I was trying to say and understands. He makes any
points that he needs to make and soon everything gets resolved.
My
question is why does he do this?! Do you think it is something that I am doing
that causes Alex to tune out or is it something that all men do? I see my
parents do this same type of arguing and it scares me that Alex and I are
falling into the same pattern. I hope there is a better way of handling this
situation!
Thank
You,
Libby
This reminds me
of communication issues at the beginning of my marriage.
Christian and I needed to realize two things:
1) Men, when
confronted, will stop interacting and will hide in their "cave". Women, on the
other side, need to talk things out. They're not always looking for a solution
but they need to vent and express what is on their heart.
2) The way we
confront men is crucial. If we use “you” (“when you do this” or “you forgot
that”...) in our statements, men will feel blamed and will shut down. Blame is
like a slap in the face and we cannot expect a positive reaction from a slap in
the face!
We need to learn
to express our disagreements without blaming and the first thing to do is to
stop using the killer word “you.”
How do we do this?
First of all, we need to get in touch with our own feelings.
What do I feel like when he has this behavior? Frustrated, disappointed,
overwhelmed...?
What is the effect of this behavior on my life?
Then I need to formulate what Dr. Thomas Gordon called an I-Message, “When this
happens (state the behavior you disagree with without using “you”), I feel
(state your feeling) because (state the effect it has on you, on your life.)”
This takes practice but is really worth the effort.
Here are two books to help you go further:
1)
"Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" will help you understand how
different we are in our reactions as man and woman.
2)
Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon will give you the
practical skills for I-Messages.
God bless you
both!
Christine
July 08
|
2008
Christine Meert